How To Support Your Transgender Child?
While every trans journey and family is different, there are some general guidelines that may help facilitate the transition for your child and yourself.
Getting educated on LGBT topics
While you may already be a queer ally, with LGBTQ friends, you may find out that you have many more questions now that your child has expressed wanting a gender transition. It might be helpful to deepen your comprehension of queer topics and specifically a transgender identity. A good start would be diving into the differences between gender identity, gender expression, biological sex and sexual orientation. These terms deconstruct many stereotypes we take for granted, such as a feminine man has to be gay, or cross dressing has to mean part of the transgender community.
The differences in sex and gender lead to reflections on the gender binary, placing men vs. women as a two-party system. The idea of a spectrum explores what lies in the “non-binary” sphere -- between, around or beyond the two extremes. I find that the easiest way to grasp this concept is through gender expression. With clothing, we can be more or less gender nonconforming, somewhere in between ultra masculinity and ultra femininity. We all operate along a gender spectrum, with more or less fluctuations. Depending on how your child identifies, this can help to grasp nonbinary gender identities too.
Concerning your child, you may want to look into the concept of gender dysphoria and how certain gendered norms or terms may really be hurtful. An important conversation will be around the terminology your child is comfortable with. Pronouns, name change, gendered terms can be affirming acts for your child to step into their gender identity.
What are common challenges of being transgender?
Being trans can get rough. On a societal scale, the treatment of transgender people is full of prejudice unfortunately, whether it be in everyday discrimination/harassment, combatting stigma, LGBT health challenges as well as legal, administrative and professional protections. Common complaints revolve around poor standards of care within the medical field for transgender health, alarming amounts of violence particularly towards trans women (male-to-female), and wavering human rights. Very far from equality with cisgender counterparts.
On an individual scale, transgender youth face many challenges within their family. Coming out is a stressful process and gender transitions can be big life changes. But, forcing someone to conform to a gender that they don’t identify as can be detrimental to mental health, as they are fighting dysphoric feelings daily. In the worse case scenarios, transphobia can lead to being socially isolated from family and bring on precarious living conditions: homelessness, bullying, etc. The transgender population can be one with significant psychiatric needs and distress.
Will my child be happy?
The list of challenges paint trans lives as a hopeless situation, but it doesn’t have to be. First, having a safe space in your home can make a world of difference in integrating this new gender role. It makes the everyday challenges more bareable. Second, if your child is interested in transitioning medically, hormone therapy with testosterone or estrogen and/or gender affirming surgeries, also known as sex reassignment surgeries, can lead to fulfilled lives.
If your child is still questioning the next steps that may make them happy, a support group within the queer community for trans/queer youth may be very helpful. A visit to a gender-inclusive psychologist can also be beneficial in finding their way.
Keeping an open communication
Finally, the best advice is to keep an open line of communication. Kids want to feel safe and loved above all else, and knowing your support is unwavering will be a huge sense of relief. Expressing that this topic isn’t taboo and that you are willing to talk through this new normal may help everyone adjust. Explicit affirmation of support and acts of validation will go a long away.
Beyond that, there’s quite a lot of advocacy you can partake in as the parent of your transgender child. You can help ease extended family and friends into accepting this transition, turning them into allies for example. And with these sensational media stories about transgender rights and restrooms, staying informed and standing up for trans issues shows your care for your child’s wellbeing as well.
It may take time for it all to settle and to get used to the new changes. But eventually, really positive outcomes can take place when there is love, support and validation.
While every trans journey and family is different, there are some general guidelines that may help facilitate the transition for your child and yourself.
Getting educated on LGBT topics
While you may already be a queer ally, with LGBTQ friends, you may find out that you have many more questions now that your child has expressed wanting a gender transition. It might be helpful to deepen your comprehension of queer topics and specifically a transgender identity. A good start would be diving into the differences between gender identity, gender expression, biological sex and sexual orientation. These terms deconstruct many stereotypes we take for granted, such as a feminine man has to be gay, or cross dressing has to mean part of the transgender community.
The differences in sex and gender lead to reflections on the gender binary, placing men vs. women as a two-party system. The idea of a spectrum explores what lies in the “non-binary” sphere -- between, around or beyond the two extremes. I find that the easiest way to grasp this concept is through gender expression. With clothing, we can be more or less gender nonconforming, somewhere in between ultra masculinity and ultra femininity. We all operate along a gender spectrum, with more or less fluctuations. Depending on how your child identifies, this can help to grasp nonbinary gender identities too.
Concerning your child, you may want to look into the concept of gender dysphoria and how certain gendered norms or terms may really be hurtful. An important conversation will be around the terminology your child is comfortable with. Pronouns, name change, gendered terms can be affirming acts for your child to step into their gender identity.
What are common challenges of being transgender?
Being trans can get rough. On a societal scale, the treatment of transgender people is full of prejudice unfortunately, whether it be in everyday discrimination/harassment, combatting stigma, LGBT health challenges as well as legal, administrative and professional protections. Common complaints revolve around poor standards of care within the medical field for transgender health, alarming amounts of violence particularly towards trans women (male-to-female), and wavering human rights. Very far from equality with cisgender counterparts.
On an individual scale, transgender youth face many challenges within their family. Coming out is a stressful process and gender transitions can be big life changes. But, forcing someone to conform to a gender that they don’t identify as can be detrimental to mental health, as they are fighting dysphoric feelings daily. In the worse case scenarios, transphobia can lead to being socially isolated from family and bring on precarious living conditions: homelessness, bullying, etc. The transgender population can be one with significant psychiatric needs and distress.
Will my child be happy?
The list of challenges paint trans lives as a hopeless situation, but it doesn’t have to be. First, having a safe space in your home can make a world of difference in integrating this new gender role. It makes the everyday challenges more bareable. Second, if your child is interested in transitioning medically, hormone therapy with testosterone or estrogen and/or gender affirming surgeries, also known as sex reassignment surgeries, can lead to fulfilled lives.
If your child is still questioning the next steps that may make them happy, a support group within the queer community for trans/queer youth may be very helpful. A visit to a gender-inclusive psychologist can also be beneficial in finding their way.
Keeping an open communication
Finally, the best advice is to keep an open line of communication. Kids want to feel safe and loved above all else, and knowing your support is unwavering will be a huge sense of relief. Expressing that this topic isn’t taboo and that you are willing to talk through this new normal may help everyone adjust. Explicit affirmation of support and acts of validation will go a long away.
Beyond that, there’s quite a lot of advocacy you can partake in as the parent of your transgender child. You can help ease extended family and friends into accepting this transition, turning them into allies for example. And with these sensational media stories about transgender rights and restrooms, staying informed and standing up for trans issues shows your care for your child’s wellbeing as well.
It may take time for it all to settle and to get used to the new changes. But eventually, really positive outcomes can take place when there is love, support and validation.
