Christmas is coming, and so should you: Our top 10 Sex Toys

Follow us along on this sleigh ride through sex-toy land and hopefully get some original gift ideas to jingle all the way.

The Poet clit suction toy or the one that goes slurp

Otherwise known by the clinical name clit stimulators, these amazing little machines came on the scene a few years ago and everyone who bought them came about 25 seconds later. Sure, the original Womanizer, with its cheetah pattern and faux Diamond encrusted power button looked like it came out of some dodgy place in the Nevada desert that is just far enough from Vegas to make the aesthetic weird, but when I tell you it is the best thing with sliced bread… well I would be willing to give up sliced bread any day.

Since that fateful day, many iterations of this little sucking technology have arrived. Our favorite? The poet suction toy by Smile Makers. Because clits, and I really hope it’s not the first time you hear this, are different. It would simply be a shame if you got a clit stimulator that was three sizes too small. Enter, the Poet, and its three interchangeable heads that will fit snugly around you, a very happy miracle for your labia menorah.

The Vibepad or the “Look mom, no hands” one

Of course, all this is well and good, but in this day and age, you may be wondering how we haven’t come up with a toy that can do everything for you. Well boy will this mat do it for you. The aptly named Vibepad and its two little waves are meant for everyone. Vaginal stimulation, check, anal, check, clitoral, also check, perineum, eyup. All those areas that you only know about from obscure cosmo articles, definitely. The pad can literally stimulate every single area you can think of, and probably double as a pretty good back massager if you experiment a little. So make like the elf on a shelf, sit back, relax and let the mat do it all for you.

The Whim by Pelle or the analog one

On the other hand, maybe you're not a fan of electrically powered sex toys and would prefer to go back to basics, all while enhancing the experience a little. Look no further than the Whim by Pelle. A pair of fluffy clouds that will send you to heaven. And the best part? You can keep experimenting with every side, corner, crook, and cranny of this toy, the only limit is your imagination. So go on, ring your bell, give an angel its wings.

The Dalia intimate massager or the one you can keep with the fine china

Sometimes you want to feel like a fancy b**ch, and with this delicate little toy how could you not. Imagine the fun that comes from glass dildos, the temperature play, the dainty aesthetics and now add a little twist. Put the fancy back into good ol’ G-spot stimulation with a porcelain toy. Desirables is a Canadian independent brand that found its niche in creating this exact kind of porcelain dildos. Handcrafted, hand painted, looking like they're straight out of a Jane Austen novel we could not add this toy to the list any faster if we tried.

We know what you’re thinking. Sheesh, fine china is famously breakable. All we have to say is, would we mislead you? This is not just for display after all. Despite its dainty exterior, all of Desirable's toys are body-safe, sturdy, and durable, so you can enjoy them without fear, but maybe with a nice cup of tea to add to the aristocratic aesthetic.

Cartier bracelets are cheugy, try the Vesper necklace instead

It is perfectly normal to have some hesitation when it comes to Christmas presents. You, yourself might be reading this list and wondering if a nice piece of jewelry would not be a safer option. Well, why not have both, in the cutest little package. Lovers of naughty jewelry who also want to go into the office without any questions asked, your time has come. The love crave necklace vibrator is the perfect little bullet vibe for your everyday jewelry needs. Diamonds beware, there’s a new best friend in town.

The Pom by Dame or the one that hits the spot you didn’t know about

The necklace bullet vibe is an obvious sell, the perfect combination of fun, kinky, practical, and crucially, vibrating. A little bit less obvious might be the perineum massager. Sure, this vibe, and other products from the brand Dame, might look like Werner Herzog’s idea of a sex-toy, but we are here for the unlikely originality of this particular vibe. In case you weren’t steeped in the cosmo culture of the early 2000s, the perineum is the area between the balls and the anus. Although we can sometimes forget it, this can be a pretty awesome zone to experiment with a little stimulation. As a bonus, this can also be a great toy for a little partner action. After all, we’ve heard that the true gift of Christmas is being with your loved ones, but your loved ones could always use a little help making the experience memorable.

The wearable Ohnut or the one where the name speaks for itself

While we’re on the couple train, we might as well mention this nifty little invention. The Wearable Ohnut... has a name we wish we came up with first of all. Yet, it is much more than just a name. The penis sleeve is just as multipurpose as they come, acting as a pleasure sleeve at times but also being able to regulate the depth of penetration so everyone is comfortable. You can literally have penetration a la carte by adding or removing rings as you go. Comfort for all, pleasure for all, the miracle that will keep you going for way more than 8 days and nights.

The Zoro by perfect fit or the one that’ll make you ditch the uncomfortable Christmas sweater

Let me set the scene. You are using a strap-on, your partner is having the time of their life, but you feel confined, uncomfortable. Much like the holiday family get together you cannot wait to get out. If only you could get some play too, or grind against something. Ok maybe the family dinner metaphor does not extend this far. But fret not, the Zoro by Perfect Fit is the solution you’ve been looking for.

As a super comfortable strap-on that doesn’t require any of the bulky gadgets it’s already miles ahead of many but what sets it apart is its built in opening that allows you for some play too. We featured it a while ago on our instagram and if you have any doubts our rave review is definitely going to convince you. After all, Christmas is about sharing no?

The Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo or the one that with all the bells and whistles

In these uncertain times, partners may be harder to find and you may be looking for something a little more autonomous. “I really can’t stay, cause baby it’s COVID outside” might be the catchphrase of the season. Fret not, for we have the perfect toy. The Hot Octopuss Pulse, not one not two but three, actually has very little to do with an octopus. Now that I’ve assuaged your fears, or perhaps dampened your enthusiasm (no kink-shaming here), let’s get into this. The flashlight might be the bread and butter of sex toys for penises but we, here at BØWIE industries, look for the innovative, the unprecedented. And what could be more unprecedented than a sleeve with different unexpected textures that also vibrates at five different speeds? Nothing, exactly!

Get this engineering marvel at one of our favorite sex shops, Untamed love.

The Simply Elegant butt plug or the one that’s almost too pretty

Let’s talk about pretty because innovation is not only in the 10000 vibration modes or the cool Bluetooth paired apps. Sometimes innovation is just something that looks like it might belong inside a museum. Crucially though, this one belongs inside you. Because you are a museum, and you only deserve the best. Simply Elegant Glass is a brand that understands this and creates THE prettiest butt plugs. Just look at it and try not to be mesmerised.

And because it’s Christmas, and at Christmas you give everything you can, we just had to add a bonus one.

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The Echo Pourpreneige or the one you can add to your crystal collection

BØWIE is a queer organisation. If you know this, you might be wondering why we haven’t brought up crystals yet. That’s because ours were off charging in the light of a full moon, so we saved them for last. However, the Echo Pourpreneige is definitely not least, in fact, it might be one of our favorites. Let me step in first and tell you this is not made out of actual crystal, that would be a little… angular. On the contrary, the Echo is made out of the highest-grade body-safe silicone. Easily fitting into you, as well as the category of “also works as a cool mantlepiece”. If you’ve been following us for a while you know we featured Fera Daemon before, not just because the aesthetic is immaculate but also because all of their toys can be made to fit your particular… desires. Pick the length, width, softness, and even attached accessories for your toy in fera daemon’s shop and you will definitely be satisfied.

After all these stellar recommendations we know for a fact that you have no excuse this year, you will find a present for everyone. It may be shocking to some, but at least you can take comfort in the fact that you have brought joy to the world.

And if they’re still not convinced, why not pair the experience with a look at sex positive instagram account Mashasexplique, or a spicy look at one of Erika Lust’s ethical porn films?